I am type – A to a T. I am the first born and everything about me screams it. I was always planning, worrying, and stressing about my future. My whole life I was constantly obsessed with what lied ahead. Why is it impossible for us as humans to just live in and enjoy the moment?
I spent a solid 4 months job searching after I passed the bar without any luck. Going to law school was supposed to help my future but instead I sat on my computer day in and day out applying to countless jobs with no reply. My massive student loan debt sat like a morbid black cloud over my head. Nothing was going the way I thought it would. I was failing and more importantly I felt like I was failing all of those around me.
I thought that my life would be perfect if it turned out the way I planned it but little did I know that it would be so much sweeter if I just surrendered it all to God. I was just trying to do it all on my own. I was seeking what I thought would make me happy but really I was lost. It was not until I hit rock bottom that I realized that God was the only thing that could bring me out of this place. He truly saved me and made me realize all my idols. I am in a long and ongoing process to destroy these idols but without God I can do nothing and without him I am nothing.
The road I am on may not be the road commonly traveled but I am made a stronger and better person because of what God has put in my path. I am in a place of complete surrender and total joy to him. I would not take any of it back because I know he is the one who holds it all and for him I will live the rest of my days. I am done planning on my own accord.
I’m pretty similar to my sister in the aspect that I love to plan just about EVERYTHING. I guess it’s kind of in our DNA. Although one of the things I have learned just recently is life is unpredictable and your vision for your life can look a lot different than the one God has planned for you. The greatest thing about that is God’s plan for you is SO MUCH BETTER. The hardest part is having faith in knowing that it truly is and learning to follow where God is leading you.
If you would’ve asked me 5 years ago what I pictured my life like I can promise you it was nothing like it is now. I would’ve told you I see myself happily married with a home and a successful job in the field that I would love to work in. What’s interesting is not one of those things is currently true right now. I still live at home, I’m not married, and I’m not working in the field I want to, but with all that said I feel the Lord working in my life than I have never felt Him before. What’s crazy is I truly believe that God DOES give us more than we can handle so we lean on Him for help and protection. I can honestly say that the toughest situations in my life have brought me closer to God. Of course while I was in it I might not have said that, but looking back I could see God’s hand.
All in all if you’re in a bad place I hope that encourages you and motivates you to never give up because God is bigger and stronger than any problem you could possibly have! 🙂 Anywho I definitely think it’s good to reflect and look at our past and see the different ways God has personally worked in our lives because life gets busy and we tend to forget.
Jeremiah 29:11″For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (NIV).